the empty cup and many others.

on friday, i went for my first media event. i would say it was quite an experience but there was once particular incident which rubbed me off bad.
all i have to say about that is that one shouldnt be so quick to jump to conclusions. i would say that designers have pride and we do not plagiarize people’s work. i would say i was guilty of that once and i would never do it again. just because someone’s design looks similar doesnt mean that we copied some other’s design. there can be only so many design concepts and so many styles.

we need to learn to be empty cups that have got no perspectives on anything. once we have a perception on something, our vision tunnels and we lose out the big picture.

having said that, i’ve been feeling a little lousy today. i dont know if it is because i think i am a horrible guitar teacher, who cannot understand what he says half the time, or is it because i spent the entire day trying to solve a bug that really didnt come out as a bug, or is it because i show two faces of myself and nothing good comes out of them.

one side of me always is ready to listen when people really need a listening ear. this side of me will do anything for anyone. this side of me really believes that i cant change the world, but i can change the the people around me. this side of me believes in the power of confession, and that in every bad, there will be a good. this side of me believes that i will do well in life, find someone i’d really fancy, serve God and continue doing awesome kickass stuff in the design industry.

but it seems that everything i do returns as void. i try to teach, but i get terrible at teaching. i want to do great design, but i get frustrated when i stumble on a road block. frustrated because i feel i lack the skills to do better. everyone sees me as a nice friend, but i dont want to remain as a nice friend when i hit 30. dont tell me the fuckshit about someone coming to me one day. i personally think its insensitive and its like telling a mum who just had a miscarriage “you can try again”.
the truth is, yes, you CAN try for a baby again. but you cannot make it up for the heartbreak for a life that was lost.
the truth is, yes, you CAN find someone else, but you cannot try to cover the fact that it sucks.

im at this stage where i continue doing something and i risk losing everything i have. but if i dont do it, i’ll be telling God, “hey, look. it doesn work. what you said just doesnt work.” and its like telling God He’s powerless. I need to see a miracle, just to remind myself that God is real.
i want to believe that God is real, but i cant now. i want to know that God is real, but i dont know if He is now.

sometimes, being the bad guy is good. you get away with it. you do something, people dont like it, and you couldnt care less what they think about you.