perceptions.

i encountered a little incident today at sarojini. its this place where people sell clothes and stuff, a place more for commoners. well, there were still beautiful people there. i realized indians are not afraid to have their photos taken, they POSE for you. no kidding.

so anyway, i was about to climb into the car, this kid from behind screamed at me, i got startled and tried to make a hasty entry into the car. the kid caught up with me, said something i coudnt quite figure out and reached out for my chest. i was holding on to my D200 and a bottle of pepsi, he touched my camera, i thought he was about to snatch my D200 away from me. my hands were already drawn, about to knock the teeth out of the kid. then he grabbed my pepsi and ran off, feeling as if he found gold at the end of a rainbow.

naturally, i was pissed, how could he snatch my drink and run off. thoughts were running through my mind like a train speeding towards the next station (well, if its any train thats speeding, dont think of the MRT please, it demeans the word “speed”). but then i began to sympathize the kid, no one wants to start out begging on the street. and to have to snatch someone else’s bottle of pepsi to taste how is it like, its really quite heart wrenching. im always going to enjoy my coke next time, because people out there have not tasted how is it like.

it just makes me want to get better in my finances even quicker, i have this notion that money i earn is to be used for the less fortunate. let us bring the world closer… the how God intended it to be.

get up on your feet.

its never easy to tell someone close to you off, because firstly, he/she is close to you and you dont want to he/she to get hurt, although you know its inevitable. but you know you have to, because you would rather have them get angry with you, and they change, than for them to stay in denial and remain where they are. i think that people should never be afraid of doing right things that make people have negative thoughts about them. how can one do great things in life when he/she cannot even tell someone else what he/she is doing is inappropriate? the first step to being great is doing something radical(but sound). my pastor could never have been where he is now if not for his radical decisions (happy 20th bitthday CHC!).
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i think when two people get into a relationship, the relationship will bound to make both parties stretch, and they will have to get used to each other’s flaws. i’m sure they love each other for other reasons too. but they need to learn to accept the shortcomings of the partners. going in and out of relationships just because the partner isnt good enough is really an insane thing to do. i read somewhere that our partners only can fulfill 80% of what we’re looking for. the danger is when we start being greedy, wanting the 100%. thats why people get into affairs. stop looking into that 20% and start focusing on the 80%!
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in either case, this video is for both of the parties i am referring to. lyrics are written for you. (i’m sorry, the lyrics are more important this time, no pictures.)

curve or bold?

bold

or curve?

i like it, its nice. slim. and business like. i can update my tweets, surf the net while waiting for people who are really late when it comes to meeting me, etc etc. just that the curve’s an older version, a tad slower and less stylish looking.

but maybe i want to do games too. how?

its really difficult..

when you are looking for someone to turn to talk about things.
but they’re just too busy studying,
or too busy doing something else.

and they’re just too young to understand,
or just cannot be bothered to listen.

don’t worry, i’m fine. its just this particular situation i’m in, which got me into regretting a few of the decisions i made the past couple of months. and now people i care about are hurt. i’m going tp piss some people off, perhaps those dearest to me. but its better for me to tell you the truth and for you to hate me, than me telling you a lie, and for you to love me.

i dont understand how people can get over relationships so fast. one day they’re with this person, this person can be the perfect person, but he stumbles, says a foolish thing, and you take his word for it. and a few weeks later, you’re out with another guy. you begin to compromise the beliefs which made you who you are. you begin to change, because you want to impress. you starting giving excuses for your actions (none of them are valid) but i still give you the benefit of doubt.
but the last straw came when you told me you couldnt do anything about it. so much for being a friend. and dont even bother picking that phone up to send that person a text now.
maybe you can tell him about the nasty entry. he will come after me and murder me, and even hate me for doing what i do. i’m prepared to lose anything to set him free. even the friendship i share with him.

for tim.

i know times have been really hard for you.
i know you think no one understands what you’re going through.
yes, i can’t understand what you’re going through, but i can be there for you.
i know you think no one cares.
but i do.
i know you think your life is worthless at this point of time.
but its not, because you showed me what is it like to go after your dreams no matter the cost.
a friend like you, is not hard to come by. its just too precious to lose.
i couldn’t help but to keep praying and i tried to understand how you feel. sometimes, i would weep because i saw how much you are going through.
but don’t forget that there’s Someone out there who can bring you out of the valley you’re walking in.
today, while i stood and worshipped, i couldnt help but think of you.
timothy, this is your God.

worn me down.

nice song.
yes. someone has worn me down.

and dammit! youtube isnt working!

let me be dead

how ironical is it to post an entry that’s not worth a second read but the reader reads it again after realizing it doesnt make sense and finding it out its “not worth a second read”.

the only three people in the world who know about it are too engrossed doing their stuff. but i dont blame them. two of them kept me company and thats all i needed. one of them listened to me and thats all i wanted.
people don’t seem to want to come to a point to acknowledge their hunches because the hunch is about them. people suddenly become hermit crabs and hide in their shell of comfort and ignorance. people can get so caught up in their own fantasy that they forget about reality, which sometimes makes them miss out the better things that are installed for them. just because they want to live in their fantasy. i dont like it when people use others as leverage to get what they want to do across. perhaps they are afraid. granted, but if you never try, then you will never know. and people grow up to be adults one day.its a turn off if at the age of 80, you dont dare to raise your hands and ask the teacher for permission to go to the toilet. Especially if you are a guy and have been through national service. where’s your courage and fortitude.

my leader asked me about me getting attached, i just smoked her with another question. truth is, i cannot be bothered anymore to even think about issues with relationships. relationships can be easy if people sit down, accept reality, stop living in a dream of theirs, start being emotionally open to one another, start being decisive and make an effort to stay committed to one another. but its not happening, not anytime soon. just take it that my old man is in the process of dying while my new man is coming to replace me.

timely song:

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on a separate note, i saved someone else’s ass again today. i know how it feels to be superman sometimes. worked out, not being appreciated and finishes last.

imagine this title as symbols. the angry kind of symbols.

i disgust myself.
i tell people things about relationships and they actually do listen, while i myself cannot handle relationships well. they approach me for advice when i cannot listen to my own advice.
i disgust myself.
when people piss the crap out of me, i smile it off. but in my mind, i have already shot him with a barrel of bullets. i have literally committed murder.
i disgust myself.
sometimes when i do my own confessions at night, i am afraid of believing in them. i doubt the God who saved me.
i disgust myself.
i am so angry i cannot seem to express them out in words, or even begin to explain to people in words. where did all my english language skills go to?
people just seem to be against me today. everyone. i want to put these irritating issues aside and just finish my work so i can finish my year with a holiday. but work is piling up, issues of life are getting to me.
you’re damn right no one can stop me from what i want to do. but people’s words do have effect on others. words have got hidden meaning and it doesnt take a rocket scientist to get the pun behind the words.

Where are You?

i’m sorry jamshed. i wrote this entry to wish you a happy birthday, but i got carried away. but anyway, happy birthday Mr Jamshed Wadia! He who wears British Columbia now turns *i don’t know…33?* haha. i thought all adults were boring until i met you! which adult will sneak into his colleague’s email and anyhow send emails?! if my officer ever does that, i will give him a good one. and which adult skips his oral examination to watch BON JOVI live in concert during his university days?! i pray that in your coming years, you’ll have a harvest more bountiful then the previous years combined! and jamshed.. wedding bells soon?

HAHAHA!

i’m just undiscovered.

its funny how my posts are always lyrics of a song.
my ex-children’s church ________ (i don’t quite know what to address her, she’s my friend, but she’s also my financial advisor…) told me something that really got me bothered. oh, how frail life is. we say we hate our current situation in life and where we are at now. we get frustrated with what we are doing and how we chase donkeys. but, do we really have to hate/get disappointed with life that we do something which cause others to suffer? but then again, if we grab hold of opportunities, and go for it, we get afraid of disapproval, and what we do might seem right in our eyes, but not right in others. we can’t please everyone. but cannot we strike a balance to please ourselves and others?

i’ve been chasing too many donkeys this week. someone told me it was very kind of me to do favours for people at the expense of myself. i got happy for a while, because at least someone understood and appreciated, even though she had nothing to do with what i was doing. but then again, how can i pat myself on the back when i do these favour with a murmuring spirit?

God, i don’t want to be a hypocrite. Let me end of the week well with You.

My God is a God of patience, therefore, i need to learn to be patient with the things i am pursuing.
My God is a God of patience, therefore, i need to learn to be patient with the things i am pursuing.
My God is a God of patience, therefore, i need to learn to be patient with the things i am pursuing.
My God is a God of patience, therefore, i need to learn to be patient with the things i am pursuing.
My God is a God of patience, therefore, i need to learn to be patient with the things i am pursuing.
My God is a God of patience, therefore, i need to learn to be patient with the things i am pursuing.

stigmas.

the decisions we make will eventually come back and hit us. whether for the better or for the worse, its really up to us to decide which to put more focus on and work on that, well, if we dwell on the negative and work from there, nothing good would come out from there.

my current batch of platoon mates are going to commissioning in a few days time. it sucks to see them commission as officers while you stand there. i know deep down in my heart i do not regret the decision of getting myself out of the course. but there’s always this part of me that would feel inadequate, not because i didn’t finish the course. but because people think officers are better than normal soldiers. are there officers better than normal soldiers? yes there are. but are there officers who portray ghastly attitudes towards others? i’ve met them.
my mum had to rake up the topic of me dropping out of course again. the saddest thing anything can happen is when you don’t have the support of your parents. sigh. i guess we all got emotional baggage to deal with throughout our lives. but no one said life was a pretty bed of sweet smelling roses in the cool breezy morning.
i really want to break the stigma of “officers equate to a gentleman”. its all because of that dumb richard gere movie where he proposed to julia roberts (i think) in his ceremonial no.1. the girls will go, ” wah! so romantic!” girls! wake up your idea please. if God intended all men to be officers when the propose to their girlfriends, then when a war comes, who’s going to be under the charge of the officers?
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enough of complaining about girls. this one’s for the girls. =)